In case you’ve got better things to do than to waste two minutes of your life, I’ll give you the lowdown of the ad. Basically, this dude brings a canon camera, “happens” to take a picture of some really hot chick, and then proceeds to use Canon’s best audio visual technology to record her. Look out for the ending scene in which the guy leads her to his shrine dedicated to her glory, complete with all her pictures and videos plastered wall to wall, revealed on glorious musical cue.
Now I’m sure some of you, especially the ones who are such suckers for typical Disney love stories and lovegivesmehope.com blog posts are just swooning at the idea and would just absolutely love for this to happen to you, which is actually really fucking stupid.
I’ll tell you why.
In case it’s not immediately obvious to you, let me point it straight out: The dude’s a fucking stalker. If you miss it at first because you think he’s cute, then I hope natural selection will take its due course and end your genetic lineage right now.
First scene: He comes to this outdoor place to supposedly take pictures of bubbles. He blows them, and then “accidentally” takes a picture of this hot chick. But here’s the catch; if you notice, the camera is in portrait mode, which means there’s a small depth of field in which you can only see one subject in the picture while the background is blurred:
The problem is, bubbles are transparent, so the camera can’t detect bubbles and isolate it, because it can’t contrast it with the background. If all this photography jargon is a bit too much for you, let’s just say it’s hard as fuck to take a portrait photo of an invisible bubble okay? So you have to ask yourself, was he really trying to take a picture of bubbles, or was he just pretending to so he could scout which pretty woman’s face he can fashion into his next hat?
Wtf. Look at that shit.
I’m going to fap and cum on your pictures.Remember how I said he was going to fashion her face into a hat? Seriously, I could just let the video run and make a caption for every scene after that describing how much of a stalker this asian Bieber is, but that’d be defeating the purpose of me dropping some knowledge on you, so we’re moving on.
Another reason why this dude is a certified sociopath is because this fucker’s progressive. You know, like when psychos start noticing a chick, and then he needs to peek on her in the shower and jerk himself. Next, he needs to steal her soiled undies to smell them, and before you know it, the dude needs to cum into her cold hard vagina while bathing in her blood. This motherfucker right here displays it all.
Because, see, if, let’s say, I was wrong with my earlier assumption, and this dumbass did actually just thought of taking photos of bubbles and just SO happened to take a photo of this really hot chick, what does he do after? He follows her around and starts taking pictures of her. First with the compact, and then when the motherfucker needs high speed shots, he goes DSLR. After being bored the whole moving image gig, what does he do? Fucker goes video with a canon HD videocam.
Why do I need it in HD? Why, to better wank myself with my child!
Of course, like every stalker story, the stalker needs to meet the chick. Most stalkers will creep up on their unsuspecting victim and either use chloroform, some sort of date rape drug, or the classic whack on the head. This guy though, seeing as the girl has been nothing but oh-please-come-and-rape-me-giggle-giggle decides to do it the straightforward way and issue an invitation.
And what does the girl say to an invitation by a guy who has been following her and taking video recordings and pictures of her discreetly the whole week?
Nothing. She just shows up, alone and all dressed and pretty.
Of course, the next part of the ad shows her in this room which lights up, and she sees the product of his hard work all week/month/year. He shows her a video of herself playing the violin, as well as all these giant blown up pictures of her, all plastered on the walls. They see each other, bow to each other like Thai people normally do, and then he proceeds to cut her face off.
The video doesn’t actually show that but really, we both know that this happened:
I’m just wondering how exactly did a major multinational corporation like Canon fuck this up? I’m sure some of you are going to say “But Khairie, they probably hired an outside advertising agency to shoot this ad!” Yes, I know genius. That’s why it’s so unbelievable. A bunch of people from different companies brainstormed for months over this ad, shot it, edited it, sent it for broadcast, and all the while, not once down this long line of exchange did someone raise their hand and said, “Uh... guys? I think this ad a bit creepy. You might want to change it a bit.”
It only takes 3 words and 20 seconds on youtube to find a creative idea to promote a camera AND not simultaneously showcase the closet fantasies of creepy advertising men. Check it out.
So did this Canon ad fail? Totally. But because my TARA sister is very very talented...
...I’d say it didn’t uber fail.
Fail rating: 5/10.